devour your brain

I don't know why I'm writing this. All I know that 13 days from now, I'll move away to London. Leaving everything behind and I'm terrified. I'm scared, I'll be parted from my mother, my loving, strict, gentle mother, nobody compares. I think it is easier for me to parted from my father for he rarely around, I mean, he's always around but only at night, and my brother, maybe it's easier, but who knows? who will argue with him when I don't have anything to do? I'm fricking promise that I will miss them like crazy. It is so hard for me, I hope I can bear with the pain till it ceases. I'll pray for them. It's hard to leave them tho.

My friends. My very beloved friends, I have missed them for months, for days, for hours now, I do really miss them. But distance is a jerk, you know. I don't know why I chose to go in the first place, it's kind of blurry when I try to recall some memories about why I chose this path. But really, I'm excited and scared at the same time.

And you, I don't know what is wrong with my heart. It's beating so fast when I woke up and before I go to sleep, it's beating uncontrollably when I see your face, even just in a photo. Surely I don't know you and you don't know me either. But there's something else that made me really fall deep in this stupid mud and can't get out. Who are you? Who am I? You make me sad, you don't know that.

Everything that I do from now on make me really really terribly sad. I don't want to go, but I really want to go, I just can't decide because my decision is clear, I choose to go.

I will go. I'm leaving soon. I will leave you all behind. I love you all so much.