I could use a dream, you know.
Sometimes, in my dream I can feel your existence even vaguely. But I'm not always sure that it was you so I will abandon that feeling and get on with my life.
Just like other people said that women have high hopes in their life and I keep trying to be so denial but recently I can't even fight the feeling. I always told myself that I'm alone but I'm not lonely, however someone needs someone else in their life and I can't deny. The way I imagine my life would be is a complete opposite of my life I have now and it's making me sad because I want my life to blend each other, so it's kinda dreamy and realistic at the same time but then it's just an imagination, I can't do anything to make it all happen.
I always dream of a family and will be happy, small fight and we can always resolve the problem and lovely children with their best outfit on the table with me and the other adult then we will have a family conversation (the functional ones) and everybody will take their part to clean the kitchen because the maids are not responsible for the dinner table. Then I'll tuck my children into their bed and they will pray with me before sleep, we will ask for forgiveness and blessings and also send our best gratitude for God to give us chance to live that day. Their father will write them stories about humanity and then they will fall asleep.
All my life I keep hearing people talking about boys, men, all kind of thing about the people from Mars, however I always wanted a small loving family and I don't have any eager curiosity about people from mars or venus. I just don't believe that love does exist until the day I find and feel it by myself. I just want a very fresh start to make my own loving family and very functional.
Saya Rindu.
Saya pernah berkata jikalau saya membenci Indonesia. Ya, dan masih. Mengapa? Karena begitu banyak memori yang tertinggal di tanah itu, dan saya benci bagaimana para pembesar negaranya tidak membebaskan kita bergerak. Saya juga pernah berkata bahwa saya membenci Jakarta. Ya, dan masih. Mengapa? Karena banyak sekolah dihancurkan hanya demi pemasukan uang negara, seperti pusat belanja, atau jalan bebas hambatan. Saya pernah berkata saya membenci Bali. Ya, dan masih. Mengapa? Karena mataharinya yang terik, dan anginnya yang berdebu. Tapi, saya juga mencintai mereka. Saya bangga ketika Indonesia disebut didalam sebuah film, saya bangga karena Indonesia memiliki hutan-hutan hujan tropis yang sampai sekarang belum terjamah oleh tangan manusia, saya bangga ketika beberapa binatang disana tidak dapat ditemukan di negeri lain. Saya cinta ketika berkeliling Jakarta saat malam, saya cinta melihat kehebohannya saat pasar malam, saya cinta ketika menatap Jakarta dari puncak tugu monas. Saya rindu Bali akan deburan ombaknya, saya rindu Bali akan kesibukannya, saya rindu rasa kesel dan benci yang saya rasa ketika berada disana.
Yang paling saya rindukan adalah perasaan aman yang saya rasakan saat berjalan diatas tanahnya.
Indonesia tanah air beta
Pusaka abadi nan jaya
Indonesia sejak dulu kala
Tetap dipuja-puja bangsa
Disana tempat lahir beta
Dibuai di besarkan bunda
Tempat berlindung di hari tua
Sampai akhir menutup mata
P.S: Saya rindu para manusia yang ada didalamnya
Saya pernah berkata jikalau saya membenci Indonesia. Ya, dan masih. Mengapa? Karena begitu banyak memori yang tertinggal di tanah itu, dan saya benci bagaimana para pembesar negaranya tidak membebaskan kita bergerak. Saya juga pernah berkata bahwa saya membenci Jakarta. Ya, dan masih. Mengapa? Karena banyak sekolah dihancurkan hanya demi pemasukan uang negara, seperti pusat belanja, atau jalan bebas hambatan. Saya pernah berkata saya membenci Bali. Ya, dan masih. Mengapa? Karena mataharinya yang terik, dan anginnya yang berdebu. Tapi, saya juga mencintai mereka. Saya bangga ketika Indonesia disebut didalam sebuah film, saya bangga karena Indonesia memiliki hutan-hutan hujan tropis yang sampai sekarang belum terjamah oleh tangan manusia, saya bangga ketika beberapa binatang disana tidak dapat ditemukan di negeri lain. Saya cinta ketika berkeliling Jakarta saat malam, saya cinta melihat kehebohannya saat pasar malam, saya cinta ketika menatap Jakarta dari puncak tugu monas. Saya rindu Bali akan deburan ombaknya, saya rindu Bali akan kesibukannya, saya rindu rasa kesel dan benci yang saya rasa ketika berada disana.
Yang paling saya rindukan adalah perasaan aman yang saya rasakan saat berjalan diatas tanahnya.
Indonesia tanah air beta
Pusaka abadi nan jaya
Indonesia sejak dulu kala
Tetap dipuja-puja bangsa
Disana tempat lahir beta
Dibuai di besarkan bunda
Tempat berlindung di hari tua
Sampai akhir menutup mata
P.S: Saya rindu para manusia yang ada didalamnya
Could someone please tell me which part of "can I have your phone number?" is a crime? Because all my friends made it looks like a crime and I didn't think that way, and this kinda embarrassing because I don't know the ethic code between boys and girls here.
Firstly, for me I know that phone number is a private thing to share with other people and I don't want any random people know my phone number. You have to stick with the same people long enough to know their name and their phone number. It has been bugging me since the first day when a person really unwillingly gave ... phone number to me. I was not even intended to annoy ... with texts and calls and stuffs like that. It is kinda annoying when I can read people's mind, and I was just kidding, I can't read mind. So now, part of me said that it would be okay if you just play it cool, because I was simply didn't know that I can't ask someone's phone number. Hey but a girl can dream, right? What if I was kidnapped and I was trapped with my phone, I will call all the numbers in my contacts, and if I added a phone number in my contact it heighten the possibility that I could survive.
Lastly, I don't want this to be like story telling time, but I kinda regrets all the things I did back then and I will not do that again, but sometimes I can be so stupid and break my promises (to myself) beacuse I just simply love to make new friends :)
Firstly, for me I know that phone number is a private thing to share with other people and I don't want any random people know my phone number. You have to stick with the same people long enough to know their name and their phone number. It has been bugging me since the first day when a person really unwillingly gave ... phone number to me. I was not even intended to annoy ... with texts and calls and stuffs like that. It is kinda annoying when I can read people's mind, and I was just kidding, I can't read mind. So now, part of me said that it would be okay if you just play it cool, because I was simply didn't know that I can't ask someone's phone number. Hey but a girl can dream, right? What if I was kidnapped and I was trapped with my phone, I will call all the numbers in my contacts, and if I added a phone number in my contact it heighten the possibility that I could survive.
Lastly, I don't want this to be like story telling time, but I kinda regrets all the things I did back then and I will not do that again, but sometimes I can be so stupid and break my promises (to myself) beacuse I just simply love to make new friends :)
Tik-tok! Tik-tok! Coba saya bisa menghentikan waktu atau mengulang waktu. Saya akan kembali lagi disaat saya sedang bersama teman-teman dan mencari 1 hari yang paling bahagia dalam hidup saya dan klik! membuat waktu itu membeku seumur hidup saya. 4 hari lagi saya berangkat meninggalkan ibu kota, meninggalkan tanah air pertiwi ini. Saya meninggalkannya tanpa mengucapkan kata pamit secara formal. Tak ada acara perpisahan yang sah dibuat sebelum saya pergi, karena saya tau, saya akan di luluhlantakkan oleh air mata. Saya tau itu. Saat terakhir kalinya saya bertemu teman-teman di Pondok Indah, yang saya rasa saat perjalanan pulang "semua rasa kesal dan sebal yang dulu saya kadang rasakan saat masih duduk dibawah gedung yang sama hilang dibawa angin. Sekarang saat tau saya tidak akan bertemu lagi secepatnya membuat saya merasa sedih dan kehilangan." Saya sedih dan tidak dapat berbuat apa-apa. Saya harus pergi. Sebuah keharusan dan keeajiban yang memang saya harus terima dengan lapang dada, karena ini memang mau saya sejak awal.
Teman, maaf saya tak bisa mengucap salam perpisahan terlebih dahulu. Yang penting kalian tau aku sayang kalian dan kalian tau kalau aku akan selalu berdoa untuk kesuksesan kalian di kemudian hari. Jangan sombong-sombang ya kalo sudah sukses nanti, ingat dulu kita kerja keras mengisi kertas ujian berlembar-lembar bersama-sama.
Jadi sepuluh hari lagi saya meninggalkan Jakarta yang saya cintai dengan setengah hati ini karena hampir semua hati saya untuk ibu, adik, dan ayah saya. Saya takut, berbagai macam ketakutan menghantui aaya, tapi yang paling saya takuti adalah tak ada ibu. Ibu orang yang paling saya cintai di dunia ini walaupun betapa saya membencinya saat beliau dan saya sedang bertengkar. Saya tak pernah merasa seperti di dalam penjara di rumah saya sendiri, tak seperti orang-orang lain. Saya memiliki sebuah hubungan yang benar-benar baik dengan ibu saya sejak masih di dalam perut, semua yang kami lalui bersama mempererat ikatan itu dan saya takut bahwa saya terlalu lemah untuk berada jauh di luar jangkauan beliau. Saya takut kami tak bisa saling menyelamatkan. Saya takut. Tapi saya harus bisa. Saya hatus kuat untuk beliau dan untuk saya dan untuk semua. Saya harus. Saya bisa. Mungkin itu semua mantra yang akan saya ucapkan terus menerus dalam waktu 10 hari ini. Doakan saya.
I know why am I so messed up. I know. I miss him and I'm to afraid to lose my family. I love my family with all my heart, nobody compares, nobody, I could die for them, I swear.
And this rascal can't get out of my heart, he's no longer in my mind, his figure was ceased from my mind like a month ago, but the leftover remains in my heart. I miss him, I care about him, and I think I love him for my mom said if you wake up and the first thing you do is thinking about that person, you are in love. Then I love him, but I'm so confused. I'm hurt right now and still torturing myself with this song by The Maine called These Four Words, I'm damned.
I hate you for making me like this, for leaving me barefoot like this. I hate you for not care about my life, I do really need someone to talk about my family, I love them like too much, and I'm sure you can say something that can calm me down. Or maybe you can call me in the middle of the night and tell about your stories, you voice will ease my aches.
I do really hope you read about this, I do. Just be my friend if you don't want me to love you. Just. Be. My. Friend. because I trust noone, except you. I do really hope you'd be here right now, as friend, as stranger, as anything you want. I'm so desperate.
And this rascal can't get out of my heart, he's no longer in my mind, his figure was ceased from my mind like a month ago, but the leftover remains in my heart. I miss him, I care about him, and I think I love him for my mom said if you wake up and the first thing you do is thinking about that person, you are in love. Then I love him, but I'm so confused. I'm hurt right now and still torturing myself with this song by The Maine called These Four Words, I'm damned.
I hate you for making me like this, for leaving me barefoot like this. I hate you for not care about my life, I do really need someone to talk about my family, I love them like too much, and I'm sure you can say something that can calm me down. Or maybe you can call me in the middle of the night and tell about your stories, you voice will ease my aches.
I do really hope you read about this, I do. Just be my friend if you don't want me to love you. Just. Be. My. Friend. because I trust noone, except you. I do really hope you'd be here right now, as friend, as stranger, as anything you want. I'm so desperate.
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