devour your brain

I could use a dream, you know.

Sometimes, in my dream I can feel your existence even vaguely. But I'm not always sure that it was you so I will abandon that feeling and get on with my life.

Just like other people said that women have high hopes in their life and I keep trying to be so denial but recently I can't even fight the feeling. I always told myself that I'm alone but I'm not lonely, however someone needs someone else in their life and I can't deny. The way I imagine my life would be is a complete opposite of my life I have now and it's making me sad because I want my life to blend each other, so it's kinda dreamy and realistic at the same time but then it's just an imagination, I can't do anything to make it all happen.

I always dream of a family and will be happy, small fight and we can always resolve the problem and lovely children with their best outfit on the table with me and the other adult then we will have a family conversation (the functional ones) and everybody will take their part to clean the kitchen because the maids are not responsible for the dinner table. Then I'll tuck my children into their bed and they will pray with me before sleep, we will ask for forgiveness and blessings and also send our best gratitude for God to give us chance to live that day. Their father will write them stories about humanity and then they will fall asleep.

All my life I keep hearing people talking about boys, men, all kind of thing about the people from Mars, however I always wanted a small loving family and I don't have any eager curiosity about people from mars or venus. I just don't believe that love does exist until the day I find and feel it by myself. I just want a very fresh start to make my own loving family and very functional.